Dear Jane Letter

Dear Jane,

I don’t know when it started. We were growing apart. Actually I was growing apart, getting tired of our friendship and slowly pushing you away. Looking more closely, I see the changes were in me. They were always there. So, the question is “Why did I allow this to go on for so long”? I must have hurt you. I’m sorry, truly sorry. I regret just walking away without an explanation. Avoiding your calls. I just didn’t know how to breakup. How do you tell a friend, I don’t want to be friends anymore?
It’s just our friendship stagnated, I lost interest in keeping it going. My interests changed, so did my views and opinions. But you never did and that bothered me. You called daily. Did you ever notice, I rarely called? As I matured I became more honest with myself and others. Just with you, I didn’t know how to. So, I had less to say, was preoccupied or too tired to chat. Excuses. I just couldn’t keep the conversation flowing anymore. It was too one sided. You didn’t have much to say and I didn’t have anymore of anything to offer.
Re-reading this letter I’m debating whether to send it, now believing some things are better left unsaid.

Unsigned and undelivered

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Buried In Memories

I stand at her door
Looking in
Nothing in her room changed
Everything in its place
Lived in
On the vanity her hair brush sits
Waiting to be used
Her bedcover colorful
Neatly covering her bed
Her scent on the pillow
The bathroom door is open
I can smell her femininity
The clean smell of soap and shampoo
I know walking in there
I’ll find the same
Her presence
I close my eyes
And a myriad of images assault
Her smile
Full of stories
The sparkle in her eyes
Twinkling intentions
Her body a temple
I worship
Her love of life
Of me
Shakes me to the core
As the truth hits
And my world crashes
Wrapping me in
A shovel of dirt
Slams into me
Covers me
And I taste
A grave of memories
I’m buried in

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In an
Unforgiving season
A broken soul lies
The sound of pain
The heart splintered
Waiting to be released
In a river of spring
Giving birth to a new season of hope

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Has many faces
It crushes the mind
The body
Confuses the weak
Twists a different reality

In the best of us
The worst can take form
Against our will
It can steal
Your health
Your happiness
What else is left
When your dreams are stolen
And hopes dashed

We are just men
With faults
Struggling to make a name
Prove ourselves to the masses
And the face in the mirror

When the anger subsides
And defeat strangles
With whom do you make your peace
Justify yourself

If you accept the inevitable
Does grace and dignity
Come to your aide
To stand alone
Before a JUST GOD
Or will the injustice
Dying with your last breath

Art by

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I cry tears of sorrow
I cry tears of joy
Every drop shed
Are emotions bled

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Fragmented Thoughts

I see you
Watching me
Skimming the edge of stalker
I feel your eyes
Collecting my words
Searching through pages of my thoughts
Creating a book
Of fragments to appease your sins
Tasting the ink that’s stained your soul
Erasing the blood I’ve written with
Fabricating a story
Of delusional myth

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It’s constant
It overwhelms
It throbs, speaking a language
I can’t comprehend
I close my eyes to hide the pain
It strikes
Again and again
It coils and twists
Digging deeper
Strangling life
Gasping for breath
And the final hope
That the numbness will ensue
And make existence bearable
I open my eyes
And see that nothing has changed
But in me
My world implodes
One heartbeat at a time

Posted in Art, depression, Life, Mental illness, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Uncategorized, Writings | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment


My limbs are bare
Swaying in the wind
Reaching for warmth
In an unforgiving sun
During a brutal winter
That’s unbending in my need
The ground at my feet is frozen
But my roots are deep
Avoiding its touch
Searching for warmth
In the darkest of places

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It’s not a broken heart
That I’m feeling
But a loss of hope
The anticipation that gave me breath
And without you
The life of me
Is gone

Posted in Art, Journal, Life, loss, Love, Memory, Poems, Poetry, Relationship, Remembering, Uncategorized, Writings | 1 Comment


Tears like diamonds
Shimmering and too costly
Cuts painfully deep

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